Sluts, Studs, Locks, Keys & Infinite Stupidity: A Feminist’s Rant

Warning: This post is a response to a comment I saw on social media. I got riled up and chose to write about it. My feminist side is out and angry. Proceed with caution.

The Facebook group ‘Sarcasm Society’ recently posted a joke by my friend Leah Knauer:

“I hate how if a dude sleeps with a million girls he’s a stud, but if I do it, I’m a lesbian.”

I love this joke and was super happy for her that it got to be seen by so many. To me it’s a perfect one liner joke construction. Sounds exactly like a common phrase used by many, ‘I hate how if a dude sleeps with a million girls, he’s a stud, but if a woman does it, she’s a slut.’ But then it twists at the end to a literal meaning. By no means is it the greatest joke ever told, but it’s a damn good one in my opinion.

Then I read the comments section which I know is a recipe for disaster. Internet comments often represent the worst of humanity and the first comment to that post was no exception:

“Well if a lock is opened by every key it’s a shit lock…. If a key opens every lock it’s a master key :))”

I have several problems with this comment. And I feel like ranting, so here it goes:

1. It completely bypasses the cleverness of her joke.

His response only makes sense if he’s responding not to her joke, but to the phrase her joke is based on. I get that the guy’s a douchebag, but he comes off as a completely aloof douchebag. Either he didn’t read the whole joke or he did and chose to use it as an excuse to promote his own immature brandy of  misogynistic idiocy. Either way is not okay.

2. It’s illogical

The argument requires that we equate a woman’s vagina with a lock. But a lock is a tool meant to keep people from getting into something. A vagina is a body part that a woman can do whatever she wants with. To compare it to a lock implies that women have some sort of obligation to remain virgins or keep a their number of sex partners to a minimum. Nope! Women have the right to do whatever they want with their vaginas. Some may choose to stay chaste their whole lives. Others may decide to go into porn. Some may wish to have many sex partners and some may wish to have very few. It’s their choice.They are not locks.

3. It’s gross

The argument also requires we compare men’s penises with keys. That’s flat disgusting. A key’s job is to work in tandem with a lock to give someone ownership over property. Women are human beings just like men. They are not owned, lorded over or used. They are people. Asinine comparisons like this imply they are somehow less than people. And that’s disgusting.

4. The person is delusional

He put a smiley face at the end of his comment to be funny or cute. It’s not. At all. To think otherwise is completely delusional.

I realize that the person who made this comment is not worthy of the time I’m taking to respond to him, but I’m not writing this for him. I’m writing this, because his comment represents a greater sin in society. Even now in 2015 in the United States, we are still a patriarchy that treats women in general with less respect than men.

I absolutely believe that men and women are different in many ways and those differences can be important. But so many people treat those differences as better or worse. They’re not. They’re just different. And any differences between the sexes should not justify the mistreatment of women in the workplace, in our social lives or anywhere else. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m so sick of seeing the evidence all around me that so many people alive today still intentionally or otherwise continue to foster an anti feminist culture.

The hashtag #yesallwomen is great. How about we make some kind of campaign that publicly educates/shames men for shitty behavior? Maybe #notcooldudes or #douchemove or something like that. What hashtag would you use?

Thanks, y’all!


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